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The Poetry That Is Life

Trying to find the beauty, the poetry, in every moment

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Arizona

The Year in Review, Part 1

It seems that every year, as New Year’s Eve rolls around and it’s time to think about the previous year and consider the possibilities of the next, I always have to think really hard about what all even happened in the year. Even as fast as a year flies by, it still is a long time with a lot of space for things to happen, you know? Honestly, I have a terrible memory. In fact, last year one of my goals was to keep a record of every event that seemed significant, that to me was worth remembering. I still have the document on my computer: Events of 2009. I made it Feb 20th before it fell by the wayside. I think it’s worth the brain-racking though, just to stop and think about what has happened in your life in a year and what you can learn from it. Continue reading “The Year in Review, Part 1”

Just Dreamin’ (Both kinds)

I had a quite a strange dream last night. Among other things that I can’t remember, I embarked on a (supposedly) cross-country journey with two twelve(ish)-year-old boys and a big white wagon. The journey ended at my house, and waiting to greet us was a pretty large group of people, including the Arizona mission group/family! Reunion! 🙂 The weird thing was, I didn’t even see half the group, and stayed only about fifteen minutes. However, that was long enough for an…interesting…conversation to ensue with someone who, in the dream, was apparently part of the group, and in real life was not.

Yesterday I went to see Up for a second time—this time in 3D—with my mom and best friend. Up is a really good movie (more on that in a minute) and I would definitely recommend seeing it in 3D if at all possible, it adds a lot to the movie.

We then were practically chased by the storms, so we stopped and stayed in a book store (yes!!) until they cleared out (or melted away, as my dad so vividly described it at dinner). We got caught in typical Friday afternoon congestion on the way home, but thankfully there were no serious damage or wrecks that we saw.

Then today we got to spend some time with some extended family on the mountain, which was enjoyable.

But now some more about the movie. I wouldn’t necessarily classify Up as just a kids film because, besides being sad at times, it really has a message that can speak to an older crowd.

The heart of Up is basically about dreams and goals, and how they don’t always materialize the way we plan them, but that they can be just as fulfilling, regardless. This is something that, when I’m completely honest with myself, really scares me. Being from a small town, I see so many people who have been here their entire lives, and I don’t want that life for myself. I can’t stand the idea of living in the shadow of the past. I hear it all the time: “Oh so-and-so? Yeah, that’s old so-and-so’s daughter, you know, they lived down on such-and-such street? Yeah, she married some fellow from over there in such-and-such and moved into a little house down such-and-such way.” I DON’T WANT THAT TO BE ME.

I’m definitely a dreamer. And yes, my dreams change sometimes, to varying degrees. Some fade, some stay constant. Like most people, I want to travel. Live different places. Experience everything I possibly can. Achieve personal goals. Do “big” things. Do important work for God’s Kingdom. And I hate the thought that things may not go the way I want them too. But I think when it comes down to it, the underlying reason is because I’m afraid of regretting missed opportunities, being disappointed in myself, and living life unfulfilled.

I could tell you all the times I teared up during Up, all the sentimental moments, but I’ll refrain. What’s important is the meaning behind it: just because you don’t do something in your life that you wanted to, doesn’t mean that the life you did live was worth any less. Small things can be big things in the long run. And who knows? Important work for the Kingdom might be reaching just one person. For me and my finite mind it’s sometimes hard to grasp, but God’s plans for me and going to be better than anything I could imagine, even if it’s not what I would imagine for myself in the first place. So for now, I’m going to hold onto my dreams, and trust God to mold my desires to fit what he has planned for me. With Him, I’ll never be disappointed, even if I do turn into “So-and-so’s daughter who lives down such-and such way.”

1/4 of the way finished?….

I soooo should have been keeping up with this better than I have.

This always happens to me when I keep a real journal as well.  I get so busy with life that I can’t keep a record of it.   And then I get to the point where there is no way I can completely catch up.

I should either be packing or studying Spanish right now.  Or attempting to exercise lunch off.  But I feel the need write.

It’s almost been a year since I graduated high school.  I’ve gone through two [amazing] semesters of college and have changed and grown so much, and I think (and hope) I’m a better person for it. 

Here’s the lowdown on a couple of happenings:

Arizona was quite a while ago now, but I can’t even begin to tell you how much it blessed my life.  Spring  break was seriously so epic that the Spring semester really seems like it was two semesters because the halves were so different.  It was such a blessing to get to work with the amazing group of people I got to work with.  I could go on and on, but basically what it comes to is that I have a new family because of the experience, and built relationships that I am confident will last for a long time.

I have also been so blessed by my sisters in Chi Omega Pi.  (I still haven’t ultimately determined who the audience of this blog will be, but if anyone who happens to read this has the opportunity, you should get to know them, they are fabulous! :P)  I am so thankful that God led me to a club that is so diverse, so fun-loving, so creative, and most importantly that loves Him so much.  I feel like I could go to my sisters for anything I needed, and I have developed some wonderful friendships through the club as well.  I’m excited to serve them as Assistant Treasurer next semester.

By the way, any doubt I might have had (but never did) about being an English major was eradicated this semester.  I was studying for my English studies final last night, and actually enjoyed it.

The most important change for me this semester, and this entire year, has been the growth and change in my relationship with God.  I know that I was not this close to him when I started college, but I honestly don’t remember what it was like, nor do I have any idea how I ever made it through the day.  God has revealed himself to me in so many ways this year:  through the classes I’ve taken, through the people I’ve met, throught the events I’ve experienced, and of course through his word.  He has taught me about myself, about relationships with people, and about Himself.  He has humbled me, He has strengthened me, and He has blessed me beyond anything I ever deserved or ever will deserve. 

I am going through a semi-confusing stage in the process of growing closer to Him right now, so any prayers would be very much appreciated.  I know He is faithful and will reveal Himself to me.

All that being said, IT’S ALMOST SUMMER!!  I can’t believe it.  I am pretty pumped about getting caught up on sleep.  Right now I have absolutely no plans, and I’m not really excited or comfortable about that.  Again, prayers are always appreciated.  I don’t want my growth as a person to stop during the summer while I sit around and do nothing.  I’m hoping God will lead me to something productive to do this summer.

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