After positive feedback on last week’s post, along with the enjoyment I get out of looking back, processing, and writing about the wedding and wedding process, I think I may try to do a whole #WeddingWednesday series to talk about a lot of the aspects of wedding planning that I didn’t get to cover in the first post. I hope that doesn’t come across as self-centered or self-seeking; I hope to pass on the little I learned from my imperfect time as a bride-to-be, and maybe inspire and help other brides-to-be in their planning. OR, you can just learn what was going through my head as I made the decisions I made 😉
I will probably end up back-tracking and starting from the beginning to cover other aspects of planning more chronologically, but first I want to talk about the blessing of having help when planning and preparing for your wedding.
This came to the forefront of my mind the other day at work when I overheard a conversation between two ladies, discussing their children’s upcoming nuptials. Both had sons getting married, so we’re dealing with a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship here. One of the women said that when she asked the bride-to-be what she could do to help, she was told to “Wear beige and shut up.”
A few things come to mind from this:
- I know this is judgmental and I shouldn’t say this, but I can only imagine how much of a bridezilla that woman is!
- What a way to start off your relationship with your husband’s family 😦
- I feel a lot of sorrow for this bride.
Let me explain the sorrow.
Believe it or not, I had my own bridezilla moments; I think the only people who were unlucky enough to see those moments were my mother and my husband (God bless him, he still married me). Those moments stemmed from a myriad of things: stress, selfishness, caring too much about what other people thought (not in the selfish my-way-or-the-highway sense, but in the sense that I was too dependent on other opinions in a way that crippled my own decision-making abilities) or about things that didn’t matter. But while I have to take responsibility for those moments (and I do), I can only imagine how much worse it would have been had I not asked for and accepted help.
A lot of modern brides are also working women while they are planning their weddings. It’s hard. Getting everything done while maintaining balance in your life is not only difficult, it’s nearly impossible.
I feel sorrow for this woman, because in her bridezilla moment, she wouldn’t accept the help that would have made things better. In her bridezilla moment, she made things worse for herself.
I would have NEVER gotten everything done if I hadn’t had help.
~ My mom probably planned more of the wedding than I did: she researched venues and made lots of calls for me, found most of the decorations, came up with a lot of ideas, and SO many other things.
~ My maid of honor found most, if not all, of the bridesmaid dresses I considered. She was also my sounding board and model during the time when we were trying to figure out just what colors and clothing pieces would go together for the bridesmaids and groomsmen attire.
~ She and my other bridesmaids were only a text away when I had a random question or needed to throw some ideas out there.
~ My husband also willingly took on some of the responsibilities that I was too overwhelmed for, like making phone calls and such.
~ The people we worked with at both the wedding and reception venue were wonderfully nice and super helpful. A man from the church where we had the reception even offered to string up lights for us–just out of the goodness of his heart, no extra charge!
~ Too many of our friends to name offered help in so many ways: from loaned items, to services, to time and labor. The amount of help after the reception to take down and clean up was unbelievable! (from what I hear 😉 )
Asking for help can be one of the hardest things to do because humans are such prideful creatures. But don’t let your pride, selfishness, and stubbornness get in the way of such a beautiful, joyous time. If someone offers for help, they probably aren’t secretly trying to hijack your wedding and get you to do what would please them — I’m sure such people exist, but cross that bridge when you get there. I seriously doubt the sweet lady who was told to wear beige and shut up was looking to make her future daughter-in-law change her plans to please her. She seemed like a legitimately nice person who just wanted to help.
Instead of trying to carry all the weight on your own, allow those who offer to help you, help you.
Instead of being too prideful to ask for help when you’re in over your head, humbly admit that you can’t do it all on your own, and I’m sure someone in your life would be happy to bless you with their knowledge and experience to help you get things done.
Having help from others is a blessing. Instead of viewing it as weakness in yourself, see it as a reminder of just how many people in your life care about you. And be thankful.